Black Sexuality Matters!
September Set with Dr. Donna Oriowo
Some call it “cuffing” season, and some view the Winter season as the perfect time of year to get cozy, cuddle and maybe do more. For us at September Set, we aren’t saying that cupid is shooting arrows but we have to admit something is in air to have us purchasing so many birthday cards once Autumn arrives! During this early stage of the year that conceived us, September babies, into the world, it’s only fitting that we feature our amazing conversation with certified sex therapist, Dr. Donna Oriowo. Her insight took us beyond cuffing, cuddling or coitus. We found ourselves delving deep into the best part of any healthy relationship, the significance of self-love.
With a journey that began with a realization that a character on Meet the Frockers would actually be a great career move, Dr. Donna Oriowo found herself making college choices based on schools that offered studies in sex therapy. “Who would have thought?” Well Donna did, but was highly disappointed to find a lack of representation in her studies and among practitioners. People did not look like her. Lets face it, we easily picture the likes of Dr. Ruth or Barbra Streisand (Rosalyn Frocker) when we think of sex therapists, as a result, Black women are disproportionately underrepresented and are not included in research.
Dr. Oriowo’s studies, research and experience disclosed that black women are often on the loosing end twice. Most research in the area of sex focused on white subjects and the little that focused on black subjects was based on black men. As a result, she conducted her own research, which included surveying 200 black women about sexual esteem. She discovered that hair texture often impacted sexuality with findings that revealed many women lacking transparency about hair esteem. According to Donna, “black women are good at giving answers that people want to hear”.
She finds that many people are living persona filled lives, which is related to the fact that black women have historically been treated like property and are hyper-sexualized. Something that we had to admit is far from rare and often not talked about, which took our conversation into the area of respectability politics. For example, will your dress attire prevent you from being sexualized? Well, as quick as we could dip a french fry into ketchup, we responded with a “no”. Many of us can recall examples in our lives that illustrated this. The instance where one gal at the table discloses the angst she feels at work which influences the need to purchase benign work attire to hide her body as a way to be taken seriously. In the end, the sure thing that she is doing is denying any level of creativity and individuality. The reality is that “sexuality is infinite, it’s all encompassing” says Oriowo. It’s “ who you are from birth to death”. And, we reply with an amen because we can’t deny the negative impact of ignoring your true self.
In her treatment, Dr. Oriowo will ask clients to order their reasons for why they do things and usually people don’t put themselves on their list or at the top of their list. Many are not living their best life. She finds it helpful to talk about more than sex and discuss how one sees things. Denying any part of yourself, including your wants and needs isn’t supporting your own happiness and certainly not supporting healthy relationships with others. “Giving a nod in the right direction”, her private practice AnnodRight provides individual therapy, couples therapy, workshops, training and goal plan coaching. In addition, Dr. Oriowo published a beautiful workbook titled “Cocoa Butter and Hair Grease: A Self Love Journey Through Hair and Skin” to help support the journey towards self realization. Ultimately, Dr. Oriowo isn’t satisfied helping one woman at a time. She wants every black woman to “love ‘themself’ more deeply from the hair on top of ‘their’ head to the color that coats ‘their’ skin!”. We applaud Dr. Oriowo for her honesty and courage to shed light on the trap that many find living persona filled lives. She is a gem and we encourage her to continue shining bright in her mission to address respectability politics and sexual esteem. Cheers to Dr. Donna Oriowo!
